Really, guys? (Again)

I know this is kind of a repeat from my earlier post, but it was pressing on my heart again.

Today's eavesdropping was on a group of Junior-High aged girls talking about one of there friends who had just broken the news that she was pregnant. An eighth grader. Now, I could go off on a rant about women preserving their virginity, or a person's duty to uphold God's image, or the downfall of relationship values in American society; I am more concerned, however, with a call-out to today's men.

I don't know the guy that had sex with that eighth grader. I don't know how old he was, or what his ideals are, or what his religious beliefs are, but I feel the need to call out to him and every single guy living in society today. Man up, guys! Maybe you think that having sex with as many girls as possible is a show of masculinity; maybe you think that hooking up with your classmates is just a 'way to enjoy life, but you have no idea of the damage you are doing to yourself and to the woman you are mistreating.

After sex, the brain releases a chemical called oxytocin, which causes a connection between you and the person you have just slept with. This is the reason that there is such a powerful connection between a husband and a wife when both of them preserve their virginity. The more you sleep around, the more connections you make with people, and the less important each person become to you. Can you see how much you are downtrodding a woman when you sleep with her just because you are attracted to her?

If you build relationships solely on sexuality they will never be able to have a firmly solid foundation. This is the reason you see the vast majority of sexual relationship break apart sooner or later. Relationships aren't meant to be a feel-good getaway or a chemical release opportunity. Every person on earth longs for a connection with a special person. Most often this means a spouse (though occasionaly simply a very close friend).

But I rant. Back on topic, what does all this mean to you men? It means that you need to put your big-boy pants on and start recognizing your woman as the beautiful, honor-worthy, wonderful creation that she is. Stop dating for the body - start dating for the heart! Who do you think you are that you can drop a woman to nothing more than a sex toy for yourself? You think you're a man, but you don't take care of that woman you're with; you don't sacrifice your time, money, or resources unless it's to your benefit; you won't get off your Modern Warfare 3 video game to talk real with your girlfriend.

You want to be a man? Start acting like it!

 It kills me to hear about boys who don't know what it means to be a real man. Sometimes these boys are pushing 40 or 50, and they still haven't made it past their boyhood actions of lusting on women and using them to get their desires out. It kills me. My heart drops when I think on the distorted image of a man that so many boys are being taught; my optimism is rock-bottom when I am reminded of the sin and evil that has so distraught our society. Too many men, though created in the image of God, have invested heavily in plastic surgery to try and change their image. Far too often, they attempt to change the person they're with, as well.

We are called by God to be conduits of His image and carriers of His honor. God has called us to be men; REAL men. He has called us to uphold woman's image, not distort it; He has called us to honor, not shame; He has called us to care, not misuse.

Young Love?

I overheard some kids today talking at Orange Leaf. (it seems like most of the things I post on this blog about are seeded at my workplace) The kids couldn't have been older than 7th or 8th grade - that means 13 or 14 years old - and they were talking about their friends' dating relationships that were happening. It got me thinking about the issue of youth dating.

I've never been against dating in highschool or junior high, but I have always had a rather skeptical view of the matter. After all, a very low percentage of highschool relationships end up following through to marriage. But, some do, and they can turn out to be very healthy relationships. One of my coworkers just got married, and she's (I believe) 18 or 19. I've seen the benefits that can come from highschool intimacy, but I have also seen the heartbreak that is oh so common with it.

Let's face it - a junior high/highschool kid has virtually no idea how to come at a dating relationship. Very often, it is because they want to jump into a relationship to better output the feelings that develop with puberty. I myself have often found myself longing someone to have next to me. However, I don't think that kids understand what dating actually is: a trial for someone to marry you!

 Dating evolved from courting - where two peoples -and their families- got to know each other better with (exclamation point!) the idea of marriage always on their minds. Young men began forming a plan the day he met the woman - a plan of dinners, walks in the park, one-on-one dates, family outings, etc., eventually ending with a talk to the woman's father about marriage. (Taken from http://m.ucg.org/youth/history-dating/)

The men doing the courting often were young (i.e., 15, 16). I am not saying that a young man nowadays shouldn't date when he's young, but I am pitching the idea that he should get the idea into his head that dating (courting) is a trial for marriage. If you're not looking to consider marrying the other person, then why date them? 

Too many young adults date in order to "get practice" and "get familiar" with how to perform in a relationship. This isn't altogether bad, and for some people, it does help them, so I can understand where people are coming from. After all, "practice makes perfect," right?

But that phrase is not always true. Example given: cohabitation. This is where a couple lives together before they get married in order to "get used" to sharing a home. Nearly 1/2 of marriages nowadays are preceded by cohabitation. Surveys have shown, however, that the marital satisfaction of couples who cohabitated before marriage were consistently and significantly lower than those who had never cohabitated, particularly for women (Taken from "A Theology for Family Ministries" by Anthony, M. and Anthony, M.). Why is that? It appears that the subject of relationships is more fruitful when approached without practice and with a clear view of the planned path with the other person.

This is where I'm going with this: I'm not condemning highschool relationships, and I'm not even saying that junior high relationships are terrible (elementary school is pushing it...). What I am saying is that if you want a healthy relationship, and you want a thoroughly enjoyable dating life, then stop getting into relationships solely to release that longing within you for a second half, and discipline yourself to hold off from dating until you are ready to pursue someone to marriage.

Here is the value that I placed on my relationships: I am a big supporter of waiting in regards to many things having to do with marriage. My first kiss will be at my wedding, my first sexual experience will be on my wedding night, and my first girlfriend I will pursue with the idea of me getting married to her. These ideals give value to my relationship; I really  want to experience them, so much that I'm willing to wait until marriage in order to experience the best of them.

These ideals give value not only to my perception of the relationship, but to my future girlfriend's as well. Do you realize the spellbinding power that is held in the idea of another person saving their first kiss, their first sexual act, and/or their first serious relationship, and then willingly giving it to you? I know that I will be awestruck if/when my girlfriend saved it for me, so I'm saving it for her!

Waiting isn't bad when it comes to dating, engagements, or marriage. Wait until you are comfortable with committing for real with that other person, and when you commit, pursue them to the end - the end being marriage until death do you part.

Dedication and Passion

     I got into a discussion tonight with a fellow coworker about managing a business to make money on the side of your career. It was started off by a discussion of the possibility of me opening and running an Orange Leaf later on in life. I believe that I won't, as my view of starting and owning a business is that I don't want to own a business that I wouldn't take part in as a customer. This means that I probably won't end up starting a fast-food restaurant or a hair-styling place - because I'm not passionate about them!

     For me, I don't want to start a business solely to make more money on the side, or to raise my status higher. I want to start a business where I have to force myself to let others take leadership and management over it because I'm just so passionate about it that I want to keep going and working there. This means that a ministry or a therapy business - an organization that reaches out to people and connects personally with them - is the best bet for what I will, should I ever, start a business.

     I look at it like I look at marriage: I want to marry my best friend - someone I want to keep going back to and hanging around. Therefore, when I start a business, it should be the business that I want to manage and I want to give my time to.

     Don't get involved with a company long-term that you're not passionate or interested in. For a short time, fine. Make money, live life, find a job more to your calling, and move on. But if you want to be fully satisfied with your career and feel like you aren't missing anything - if you want to live life without regrets about your career choices, then get involved with businesses that call out to your heart, not just your wallet. That means taking a pay cut or passing up a higher-ranking position for something you feel more passionately towards. But in the end, you'll be a happier person.

     Be dedicated to wherever you are serving now, and people will realize your worth to them. You want to make a difference in the world? Make a difference where you are now. Make an example by showing people what dedication and hard work is, and you will become a very successful person.

     Money fades, authority will fail, but only dedication will be fruitful.