Young Love?

I overheard some kids today talking at Orange Leaf. (it seems like most of the things I post on this blog about are seeded at my workplace) The kids couldn't have been older than 7th or 8th grade - that means 13 or 14 years old - and they were talking about their friends' dating relationships that were happening. It got me thinking about the issue of youth dating.

I've never been against dating in highschool or junior high, but I have always had a rather skeptical view of the matter. After all, a very low percentage of highschool relationships end up following through to marriage. But, some do, and they can turn out to be very healthy relationships. One of my coworkers just got married, and she's (I believe) 18 or 19. I've seen the benefits that can come from highschool intimacy, but I have also seen the heartbreak that is oh so common with it.

Let's face it - a junior high/highschool kid has virtually no idea how to come at a dating relationship. Very often, it is because they want to jump into a relationship to better output the feelings that develop with puberty. I myself have often found myself longing someone to have next to me. However, I don't think that kids understand what dating actually is: a trial for someone to marry you!

 Dating evolved from courting - where two peoples -and their families- got to know each other better with (exclamation point!) the idea of marriage always on their minds. Young men began forming a plan the day he met the woman - a plan of dinners, walks in the park, one-on-one dates, family outings, etc., eventually ending with a talk to the woman's father about marriage. (Taken from http://m.ucg.org/youth/history-dating/)

The men doing the courting often were young (i.e., 15, 16). I am not saying that a young man nowadays shouldn't date when he's young, but I am pitching the idea that he should get the idea into his head that dating (courting) is a trial for marriage. If you're not looking to consider marrying the other person, then why date them? 

Too many young adults date in order to "get practice" and "get familiar" with how to perform in a relationship. This isn't altogether bad, and for some people, it does help them, so I can understand where people are coming from. After all, "practice makes perfect," right?

But that phrase is not always true. Example given: cohabitation. This is where a couple lives together before they get married in order to "get used" to sharing a home. Nearly 1/2 of marriages nowadays are preceded by cohabitation. Surveys have shown, however, that the marital satisfaction of couples who cohabitated before marriage were consistently and significantly lower than those who had never cohabitated, particularly for women (Taken from "A Theology for Family Ministries" by Anthony, M. and Anthony, M.). Why is that? It appears that the subject of relationships is more fruitful when approached without practice and with a clear view of the planned path with the other person.

This is where I'm going with this: I'm not condemning highschool relationships, and I'm not even saying that junior high relationships are terrible (elementary school is pushing it...). What I am saying is that if you want a healthy relationship, and you want a thoroughly enjoyable dating life, then stop getting into relationships solely to release that longing within you for a second half, and discipline yourself to hold off from dating until you are ready to pursue someone to marriage.

Here is the value that I placed on my relationships: I am a big supporter of waiting in regards to many things having to do with marriage. My first kiss will be at my wedding, my first sexual experience will be on my wedding night, and my first girlfriend I will pursue with the idea of me getting married to her. These ideals give value to my relationship; I really  want to experience them, so much that I'm willing to wait until marriage in order to experience the best of them.

These ideals give value not only to my perception of the relationship, but to my future girlfriend's as well. Do you realize the spellbinding power that is held in the idea of another person saving their first kiss, their first sexual act, and/or their first serious relationship, and then willingly giving it to you? I know that I will be awestruck if/when my girlfriend saved it for me, so I'm saving it for her!

Waiting isn't bad when it comes to dating, engagements, or marriage. Wait until you are comfortable with committing for real with that other person, and when you commit, pursue them to the end - the end being marriage until death do you part.